Naked Came the Stranger by Penelope Ashe. The hoax novel put together by 24 Newsday staffers that received worldwide publicity. A cult classic. $12

I Cover the Waterfront:

How does one promote a book that’s more than 50 years old when (1) one doesn’t have a living author to appear on TV and do radio interviews and (2) one doesn’t have resources enough to take large ads in newspapers and magazines on behalf of the book?

I Cover the Waterfront by Max Miller is on my personal list of all-time favorite 10 books. When originally published, it swept the country and made so much money for Miller that he never had to work again.

To capture the full flavor of this marvelous read, our Jeff Nordstedt searched and found the original cover artwork, which we used. To get it into many hands, we priced it at $12.

A journalist at The New York Times came upon it. She stayed up until 4 a.m. reading it. The next day, she ordered 20 copies to give to colleagues at the Times as Christmas gifts. She has since ordered more.

The chain-store buyers ordered very few copies. You have to “special order” the book at Barnes & Noble. The book reviewers ignored it. And yet, everyone whom I’ve encouraged to read it has nothing but positive feelings about it.

It’s this kind of frustration that makes me wonder if I shouldn’t get out of book publishing and go into the shoe business.

The Barry Farber Committee:

Recently a group of New Yorkers, myself among them, formed a committee to bring Barry Farber back to New York radio.

We wrote to the station manager of W.O.R. Our letter said in part:

“The recent Arbitron report has W.O.R. in 25th place in size of audience.

How would you like to raise your audience by several notches and with little effort?

“We’re signatories to the recently formed Committee to Bring Barry Farber Back to New York Radio. Although Barry’s talk show is currently heard on 109 stations across the nation, his voice has not been heard in our area for far too long. We miss him, as do thousands of other New Yorkers.

“The people whose names are below join together to ask you to make this test. Give Barry Farber airtime for one hour a day. Allow him one month. We believe you will be delighted with the listener and advertising support he’ll generate.

“Barry Farber, a stalwart conservative, has drawn support from left-wing thinkers like Ron Kuby, liberals like Alan Colmes and Lyle Stuart, and right-wing icons like Mrs. William F. Buckley.

“Small wonder that Talkers Magazine rates him one of the top ten radio personalities of all time.

“Please put him back on New York radio. A one-month trial is all we ask. A one-month trial will convince you.”

The petition contained the following names:

Abe Brown Advertising director of J & R

Alan Colmes TV commentator and author

Arthur Milton Insurance executive and author

Bob Grant Radio talk-show host

David Blasband Prominent show-business attorney

David Brown Broadway and Hollywood producer

Helen Gurley Brown Director of Cosmopolitan’s international editions

Henry Stern Former New York City Parks commissioner

Herb Saltzman Former W.O.R general manager

Joe Franklin Veteran radio and TV host

Leon Charney Author and TV show host

Liz Smith Nationally syndicated columnist

Lucianne Goldberg Literary agent

Malachy McCourt Author

Pat (Mrs. William) Buckley

Ralph Perfetto Democratic Party district leader

Reed Irvine Director of Accuracy in Media

Ron Kuby Talk-show host and attorney

Roy Innes Committee on Racial Equality

Sean Hannity TV and radio commentator

Richard Johnson’s “Page Six” in the New York Post picked up the story. None of this impressed the rulers of W.O.R., which continues to sink deeper into oblivion.

And we thought the airwaves belong to the American people.

Lady At Large:

Helen Thomas, the veteran White House correspondent, told a standing-room-only audience at the University of North Carolina that President Bush is the most conservative president she’s ever reported about and that he has done more to destroy the separation of church and state than any other leader she’s covered.

She called the war with Iraq “a mindless invasion without provocation.”

Recently, Ms. Thomas was cited in The World Almanac as one of the 25 most influential women in America.

She said the first George Bush was friendly. She said John F. Kennedy “gave us hope and vision.”
She described an amusing bit when the press corps dared Gerald Ford to step on a scale that told fortunes. He did and out came a card that read, “You’re a great leader, brilliant and have a great future.”

“The card has your weight wrong, too,” she told him.

Dystel Speaks:

Oscar Dystel, former president and CEO of Bantam Books, was interviewed by a New York Times staffer at the Small Press Center. Among those in the audience were Esther Margolis, Larry Hughes and Nora Rawlinson. And of course, his daughter, the successful literary agent, Jane Dystel. It turns out that Oscar wrote a memoir that was privately circulated. Ever since that December 9th evening, I’ve been trying to obtain a copy.

Lucky me! As this issue of Hot News went to press, I received a phone call promising that I would be sent a copy.

English Lesson:

Why is English so hard to learn?

The bandage was wound around the wound in the barn of the farm that was used to produce produce. The farm dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. The soldier wasn’t close enough to the barn door to close it.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. He would pass on the painting for a weekend pass. He knew he could lead if he could get the lead out. So he approached his captain and said there was no time like the present to present his present,

The captain stared at the painting. “I do not object to the object,” the captain said, but upon looking further, he saw a tear in the painting and shed a tear.

Non-Believers & God:

A recent survey revealed that 52% of Jews do not believe there is a god. They are joined by 21% of all Catholics and 10% of all Protestants.

You’ve heard all the jokes about god being a she or an it. Why did man create god as a male?

Let’s examine this for a moment. What distinguishes a male from a female?

A penis, of course.

If god has a penis, what use does he make of it? Does he urinate? If so, where?

Does he fornicate? If so, with whom?

This should keep you thinking for a few minutes!

Séance on a London Afternoon:

Years ago, I asked Leslie Shephard (who now lives in Ireland in the city of Dublin) if he knew any true psychics. He said he was aware of two. Both were located outside of London, and one factor in their favor was that they would not accept money for their work.

“What happens at a séance?” I asked.

He hesitated. Finally he said, “Well, you know that when the spirit leaves the body, the mind doesn’t go with it, so there isn’t memory. The dead just say, ‘Hello.’”

It reminded me of mentalist (Joe) Dunninger and Joseph Fulling Fishman who devoted much of their lives to exposing psychics as fakes. In 30 years of searching, they never found one who was authentic.

Politics & the Press:

CBS in its glorious Edward R. Murrow news era featured a weekly radio program called “CBS Views the Press” with Don Hollenbeck. It took an objective look at the press and highlighted its failings.

Today, in many ways, coverage of the White House by the press is a joke. When the president ordered Helen Thomas to sit in the back of the room after she’d asked him an embarrassing question, the entire press corps should have stood up and walked out in protest.

But reporters are not unlike most of the rest of us. They have mortgages to pay, wives and children to support, car payments to make. So they fear for their jobs. Otherwise, how could several dozen savvy reporters sit in a room while the president, time and again, evades questions about “weapons of mass destruction” and repeats the lie that Iraq was a source of the 9/11 attack.

The entire Bush family is so involved with Saudi Arabia that immediately after 9/11, it arranged for members of the bin Laden family to leave the United States on a special plane before the FBI was given a chance to question them.

The Bush cabal has pretty much wrecked our economy, destroyed the high esteem and affection in which we were held by much of the world, worked to diminish Medicare and other social programs and fought to fill the courts with extremist religious nuts and mediocre right-wingers.

Does this cause me to doubt the future strength and growth of America? Not at all. I’ve lived through “do-nothing-while-people-starve” Herbert Hoover, Richard “I’m not a crook!” Nixon, petty grafter Gerald Ford, Jimmy “well-meaning-but-incompetent” Carter. Then there was Ronald Reagan who described his World War II time experiences in submarines and in foreign lands when the fact is that he never set foot outside of the United States during the entire war. And let’s not forget Bill “I did not have sex with that woman” Clinton, who may be most remembered for giving a complete pardon to Marc Rich even while Rich was on the FBI’s “most wanted” list of criminals.

I’ve survived them all, and the nation will survive a George Bush Jr. and worse.

Meet Mr. Someone:

At Dr. Albert Ellis 90th birthday party, I was asked to say a few words. What I said was quoted in The New Yorker magazine and attributed to “someone said …”

The day after the magazine appeared, Carole and I attended the off-Broadway show, Trumbo, which then starred Brian Dennehy. In one of Dalton Trumbo’s letters, he refers to me when he says, “Someone is going to publish Johnny Got His Gun after twenty years.”

So now I’m “Someone.”

Guess it’s better than being “No one.”

Unforgettable Scenes:

It was a Sunday afternoon in Bali, Indonesia. Carole and I had arrived at the huge modern airport for our flight to Singapore. Because it was early Sunday, none of the vendors were open for business. Nor were there any clerks behind any of the check-in counters. We were the only living people in the place.

Carole headed for the ladies’ room while I stood at the counter, waiting for an airline employee to appear.

From the far side of the football-stadium-sized airport, another couple entered. I couldn’t see their faces, but I heard the woman say, “There’s Lyle Stuart!”

Damn! I thought to myself. Carole will never believe this. I was recognized by someone in far-off Bali!

Then the couple approached the counter, and I recognized “60 Minutes” producer Don Hewitt and his wife, Marilyn Berger. Marilyn knew me because she was one of the authors who worked on the hoax novel, Naked Came the Stranger.

Fun With Words:

My brother, Don W. Stuart, Esq., has lived in Florida for more than 50 years. He was considered Florida’s #1 title search attorney. He researched and approved more than 65,000 property titles during his career, including Disney World. During all that time, he didn’t carry any insurance and not a single title he approved was ever challenged.

Now retired and living in The Villages, he occupies some of his time playing word games. Here is a sample of words with the new meanings he gives them.

Grateful: The fireplace needs cleaning

Goodbye: Bought on sale. Kindred: Hate my relatives

Smile: A long distance Dismiss: She’s the one

Left-winger: Southpaw Relate: Tardy again

Adverse: Burma Shave ad Castrate: What critics do

Childhood: Young thug Elate: Never on time

Floor show: Carpet’s worn through Hebrew: A man’s drink

Intern: First come, first served Research: Look again

Copulate: Burglar’s already gone Blackout: Nighttime

Medicate: Doc’s already eaten Inform: Looking good

Mistaken: She spoken for Classic: They all have colds

Traffic light: Easygoing Safecracker: It’s edible

Bothersome: Not everyone minds Fireplace: Commit arson

Housefly: How Dorothy got to Oz Filmdom: Stupid movie

Tangent: George Hamilton Retire: Install new Goodyears

Welcoming 2004:

Several years ago I published the poem below in Hot News. Liz Smith reprinted it in her nationally syndicated column. A musician friend was inspired to write a song using one of its lines.

I felt it was time to publish it again.

Circumstance…
© 1984 by Lyle Stuart

Much is in living that is circumstance

And rather less of purpose than of chance

But these few things are sure: the stately, slow,

Reluctant melody of falling snow;

Wild autumn hills; the call of certain birds;

Faces of friends; old songs; well-spoken words;

Craft of the artist; clarity of mind;

And virtue, dormant still in humankind.

Then there is warmth in year-end cheer,

Passion for life, and hope for the New Year.

Until next time ---
Lyle Stuart
lyle@barricadebooks.com

June 2003 Hot News
August 2003 Hot News
September 2003 Hot News
October 2003 Hot News
November 2004 Hot News